"7 Ways to Defang Difficult
People"
Copyright ©
2004, Tom Russell
Difficult people are on the
hunt for a quarrel. It’s not
personal, usually. It’s just that you happen to be the
most
convenient target.
Difficult people are insecure. They want YOU think and
live
like THEY think and live. Misery indeed loves company.
They
feel better if you are tense and unhappy.
What can you do to instantly neutralize their negativity?
You
cannot stop them from being difficult and demanding.
Heaven
help you if you try! But you can control your own
reactions
through the amazing power of NowFacts.
What are NowFacts?
Simple, healthy and truthful principles you voice to
yourself silently, in the present moment. Speech is
powerful!
It is your connecting point back to your calm and
intelligent
center. Speech instantly reminds you of the wisdom and
power
you already possess.
Here are 7 NowFacts you can use when difficult people are
on the prowl. These are secret silent statements you
say to
yourself:
1. I am not an actor who must obey your script.
The difficult person has a script. In the script he writes
that you get angry, that you fight with him, that
you condemn him, that you get stressful and
frustrated. Difficult people want opposition. That is
their
primary aim! When you employ this NowFact you inform yourself
that you have the power of choice. You are never compelled to
go along with their script. A silent refusal to take the bait
sends a very powerful signal to the difficult person. They
get it!
2. I just cannot afford you any more.
This NowFact reminds you that some relationships carry much
too high a price. You have to let go. There is no
feeling of
superiority or hostility. You simply cannot afford the
relationship any more. It cost too much. You have to
move on
because you know it is best for YOU and for the other person.
3. I see your rage as childish, not forceful.
Here is how you can heal your perceptions. This NowFact
reminds you that anger is weakness, not strength. Work with
this NowFact and watch it release its treasures of wisdom and
self-command. You’ll never again cringe before an angry
person.
4. You don’t know it, but I remain at a safe inner distance
from
you.
Personal growth widens the gap between both your own inner
negativities and those of others. You see anger from a higher
place. Instead of being immersed in it, you’re above it now.
You need never descend to a lower level to accommodate an
immature adult. With NowFacts, your life is in your power!
5. I will not injure you by doing your work.
Difficult people are very sly in getting others to carry their
load. They ARE difficult precisely because they have refused
self-responsibility. We harm adults when we do things for
them they must do for themselves. This NowFact is
compassion in action. Truth is never clouded by
sentimentality, which is nothing more than cruelty in
disguise.
6. I sense a lot of violence in your gloom.
This NowFact is in the same category as number 3 above,
“I see your rage as childish, not forceful.” It is called
“reframing.” Reframing teaches us to see things through an
entirely different lens. It is an amazingly effective method
for self-renewal.
Difficult people are often gloomy. How often have we tried to
cheer one of them up and been bitten? It can be compassionate
to say an encouraging word at times. But we have to be wise!
Hardened and dedicated difficult people want your cheerful
words, not to pick themselves up, but to pull you down with
them! Sense the violence behind their mask of gloom and you
empower yourself.
7. If you want a destructive fight you will have to fight
all
alone.
A destructive fight is what the difficult person is after.
It’s what THEY want, not what YOU want. With this NowFact
you can stay in your own clear skies.
If you refuse to battle the difficult person on their own
turf, what can they do about it? The only way they can
control you is if you catch the negative ropes they toss.
Anger, guilt, frustration -- all these negative ropes fall
to the ground, unclaimed by you, once you learn to leave
the problem with the person who has it.
Conclusion
Remember, these NowFacts are voiced silently within
yourself,
unless you know you are alone. They help you ignite
self-
understanding you already possess but have temporarily
forgotten. Difficult people seem to have power only
when YOUR
True Power is temporarily dormant. Wake it up!
Nothing is more beneficial than standing up for what you
know
to be true. Don’t let the world and its drowsy people
tell
you what is true for you. Tell yourself!
Passivity in the
face of falseness is the underlying cause of the world’s
problems. With NowFacts you reclaim your life with its
inherent happiness, intelligence and humor. Nothing is
more
fun!
Bio: Tom Russell is the
author of Several eBooks, including
“The Power of Vertical Thinking” and “Seven Secrets to Light
Up Your Essence.” He is the host of
http://www.SuperWisdom.com
and the editor of the SuperWisdom E-zine, read biweekly by
more
than 20,000 people in 42 countries. He assists
professional
salespeople and entrepreneurs to live with greater energy,
focus and spiritual insight. He has been interviewed
on
more than 200 radio and TV talk shows.
